the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
