she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
