I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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