how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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