My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
