I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
