I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
