i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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