So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
