The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
