I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
