when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
