FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this is an emotional support booty call
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
