your thong is hanging out like whoa
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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