This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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