i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My cat gives me a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
