She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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