Sry I called you an 8
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize