Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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