I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize