sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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