What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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