just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
