Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize