worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
