Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize