why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
