its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
