I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
