Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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