This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
