We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
