hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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