my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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