i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
