remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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