dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
