..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
