i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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