Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
