Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
