My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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