Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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