Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When are your genitals available?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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