i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need to calm my uterus...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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