I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
