did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize