i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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