I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
