If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
