Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is wine microwaveable?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
