he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
