I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
