Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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