I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
