Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
