the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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