So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
