yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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