WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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