my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize