Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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