I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
