I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
