i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
