hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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