I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
